I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's just like the Real World with babies
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
