I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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