Someone shit on the floor
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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