Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
