(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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