I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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