you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
