he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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