but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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