I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
