I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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