First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
