I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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