Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I need to stop coming to work sober
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
