I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
