Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
