unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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