he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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