u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
