wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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