Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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