soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
