So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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