She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
