I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
