all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
