So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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