The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
