Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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