two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
