Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
