every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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