dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Im part way to drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's even glitter on my cock...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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