Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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