oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
