The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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