Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
