It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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