she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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