Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
