It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize