I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
