so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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