I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
