your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
