Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Porn is love you can see.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
