...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
