he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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