I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
