After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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