Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
