pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
