where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
