I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
