I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
