Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
