I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
