Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
