I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
